Why do I need weekly therapy?
Whatever your reasons for seeking therapy, it’s undeniable: therapy is an investment. It’s an investment of money, time, and emotional energy. These are all things that can feel in limited supply, especially in the face of work stress and other obligations that our crazy modern lives involve. I get it. So when people decide to begin therapy, a common request is for every-other-week appointments.
This makes sense from a practical standpoint; it’s a way to save time and money, while still attending to our emotional health. But if we look at how therapy works, and the conditions needed for a therapist to work optimally, the standard recommendation for weekly sessions begins to make sense. From my experience, I have found that there are a few main reasons why this approach brings about the best (and quickest) results. [A word of note: every other week sessions can be a great way to taper down after you’ve made significant progress in therapy.]
Relationships require consistency
A number of studies have shown that it is not the therapist’s theoretical approach or technique that determines how effective therapy is, but rather the quality of the therapeutic relationship. While these results were initially surprising, they also reflect simple wisdom. Effective therapy requires openness and vulnerability from the client - and this depends on their ability to trust and rely on their therapist.
As most of us have learned in friendships and romantic relationships, this takes time. Of course this can be achieved in bimonthly sessions, but not only does it take twice as long, it leaves the client with a painfully long time to wait between sessions after something sensitive has been disclosed. It’s natural for clients to experience a “shame hangover” after a tough session; two weeks can feel like an eternity to wait to process it and get some reassurance.
Therapy is a deep dive
In the age of instant gratification, many people come to therapy looking for a magic bullet. This desire for a “quick and easy fix” is totally understandable, especially when someone’s in emotional distress. While I do believe that opening up to a therapist provides immediate relief, I believe that healing is something that’s achieved through focus and commitment.
I see therapy as a process of getting to know ourselves as deeply as possible - our strengths, the parts we may have edited out to seek approval, as well as underlying patterns we may not be consciously aware of. There’s a metaphor that therapists frequently use to explain this: human beings are like icebergs. The part above water is the “self” that we know and understand.
But there is also an enormous mass below the surface, often referred to as our unconscious. If you’ve ever felt or behaved in a way that left you perplexed, chances are that there was something going on under the water - in other words, outside of awareness. Therapy delves below the surface to help us understand what isn’t always obvious at first blush. Knowing ourselves deeply is what gives us more agency in our lives.
It is the therapist’s job to go into the depths with you. Seeing you regularly is what allows them to get to know you from the inside out, to learn your history and patterns and what makes you tick. In my experience, clients who come every other week have to spend most of the session catching me up on recent developments, leaving little time for this sort of exploration.
If weekly therapy continues to feel overwhelming, it’s important to remember that you may actually be saving time and resources in the long run. Allowing yourself to invest in your growth and healing initially will likely make it an overall shorter process. It is also a chance to, for once, prioritize your own needs rather than accommodating everyone else’s.